A word from our heart, what happened and learning how to breathe again…

First off, I’m sorry we have been relatively silent on this blog after our fundraiser ended. We were blissfully waiting and preparing and changing our lives in hopes of a new little one. The months of May and June were CRAZY busy, and then, the baby was due the beginning of July, yesterday in fact.

I want and need to be very careful in how I explain what happened. I want to honor expectant mothers and birth mothers and their choices. It is ultimately their decision and sacrifice when they choose to place their children with an adoptive family. This is one of the hardest things a mother could ever possibly do. I cannot imagine the loss.

I also want to be very respectful to our agency; they are wonderful. They have been very reassuring throughout the whole process. And we were all blindsided by what transpired. They are considered to be a “low risk” agency, meaning: they work with expectant mothers who are very sure in their decision to place, and they do their best to protect the investments made by the adoptive families. I’ll speak more on that later.

The expectant mother we were matched with was very young. She has had a life of struggle and two young children at home. She has had some legal troubles and was placing because she wasn’t sure of the outcome of some of those troubles. The newest baby wasn’t fathered by the same man as her other two, and she didn’t think she could handle a third. The whole situation from the beginning really grieved me because I truly felt like she was in a system that had failed her from her childhood. But we felt so honored that she chose us. She is a lovely and sweet girl. There were a few red flags, mostly just my heart wanting a better life for this sweet girl, but our agency again and again reassured us of how “sure” she was in her decision to place with us. So many things, over and over again. She kept stating that “this was not her baby,” we would try to tell her that when the baby was born she would be “our” (collectively) baby, but our social worker who worked directly with this expectant mom just said that it seemed like she had disconnected, which is sometimes easier. Things were looking good. We were ready. Beyond ready. Car seat in the car, hotel booked, leaving on Thursday….ready.

The easiest way for me to describe what happened is to say that she just disappeared. There was a family crisis about 2 weeks ago and her family from up north came and got her and said that a grandmother was dying. The social worker, in trying to get some extra contact info from said family member, was met with some hostility. Then, expectant mom was gone. All was easily explainable, we weren’t hearing anything because perhaps the family member had died, then lots of flooding happened in the area and the power was out. Then, maybe her phone ran out of minutes. Until, on Wednesday, the day before we were supposed to leave, we got word that the expectant mother called and disconnected the phone that the agency set up. They basically said, this is a very bad sign. It’s over.

Here’s the thing you should know, if the expectant mom was surrounded by her family and they helped her change her mind and said they would support her, it would hurt us, but I would LOVE that for her and for her baby. If the baby had been born and she fell in love with her and just felt like she couldn’t place, it would hurt, but again, I completely support and love her through that situation.

But to just disappear. With no trace, no answers, nothing. Was this the plan all along? I genuinely hope not, but I will never know. Yesterday, a little girl might have been born. A little girl who was never mine, but my heart longed for so deeply. My heart was prepared for her to be mine. There are so many questions that will never be answered and once again, our story has a narrative of loss.

Now, in this super achey, fragile state, there is only so many cliches and well meaning things I can take. I LOVE YOU ALL. And your out pouring of love without even know what’s happening has been beautiful and overwhelming. Thank you.

But let me tell you a couple of things. I am not okay. We are not okay. But we will be. I know 100% that I can trust that God has us, He has this and He knows our story. I know 100% that someday soon we will be bringing a daughter home. I know 100% that I have forgiven this expectant mom and all the wishes and dreams I had for our girl, I am pouring over her. I might be a bit of a mess for a while, and that is okay too. I feel things so very deeply. I hurt and grieve when our trees fall…so stuff like this wrecks me beyond belief. I am thankful for a God who can take my “whys,” my anger and the fact that I am, in every way possible, just about the very worst christian. But I have hope that He’s holding us, and you too.

Someone mentioned that this seems like our loss with our baby Cash, but Cash we got to hold him, see him. This baby, we were 5 days away from that and then the dream of her just disappeared. She mentioned it’s almost like a kidnapping….I don’t know because this baby was never fully mine. But, she will always, always, have  a huge piece of my heart. And, I am very brokenhearted. Thank you for walking through this with us. Thank for you kind words. Thank you for sitting with me when I’m just a blob or when I randomly burst into tears and almost puke. Thank you for forcing me to shower and eat, even though food seems gross.

And now, logistics…Our Agency has said that when a disruption like this happens, they do everything they can to make sure that we don’t have to pay another cent. So, we have a fully paid for adoption. Because we are so very open to situations, we just want a biracial or African American girl, and we are very open to special needs, they feel like we will be matched again quickly, could be weeks, could be months.

In the meantime, I need to figure out how to function, or at least…eat.

$9000 and 12 days…

I had a really big day today, I got to do makeup for my two favorite celebrities/friends, Jessica Bass with Dance Fitness with Jessica and Emily Ann Roberts Music, the runner up from the last season of the Voice! Both of these two sweet friends I have known for a while, and I was so excited to get to spend time with them today! They’re both major celebrities in their own rights, and it was huge to get to do a makeup tutorial for Jessica on her live feed, and to get to raise awareness about our adoption!  If you want to see that video, you can check it out here: themakeupmomma.org
  

So at this point, we need about $9000 by the end of April.  If you haven’t seen, we have a fundraiser this Saturday at the Vine of the Mountains, in Waynesville.  Of course, if you can’t make it, you can still give.  The best, quickest ways to donate are to send a payment to btmilan@gmail.com (either through paypal or google wallet) or to check out our Youcaring site. 

If you want to make a tax-deductible donation, you can use our Lifesong MyStory site.

Thank you so much to everyone who has given so far, but we still have a ways to go!

BLUEGRASS

$12,000 and 18 days

Just to get you up to speed, we have been matched with an expectant mother who is due July 11.  We got the chance to meet her last weekend and to spend some time with her and her young children.

At this point, we have 18 days to raise about $12,000 in order to pay for our adoption.  We are having a fundraiser on Saturday, April 23rd featuring Bluegrass and BBQ.  Our friends with the Maggie Valley Band are going to be doing a concert and we will have some incredible BBQ and a silent auction! Check the bottom of this post to see a flyer for the event.

Leah is also doing a separate fundraiser involving her incredible make-up skills.  Most of you have probably noticed how beautiful Leah is; one of the cool things about her is that she has incredible make-up skills that make her able to enhance those things that make her and other people naturally beautiful.  She is hoping to use her make-up skills for good, rather than evil, and to make a little more money to go towards our adoption.  She set up a separate website where you can see some samples of her work, so be sure to check out her website here!

 

We can’t impress enough how much we need all of your to help us out with bringing home our next baby! Because of the chance that this baby may be born significantly earlier than her due date, we need to raise the rest of our money ASAP!

The best, quickest ways to donate are to send a payment to btmilan@gmail.com or to check out our Youcaring site.

If you want to make a tax-deductible donation, you can use our Lifesong MyStory site.

BLUEGRASS

 

If you haven’t watched this video yet, you should do it:

 

Bluegrass and Barbecue: April 23rd

On our most recent post, we let you know that we have 25 days (now 24) to raise a HUGE sum of money to help bring home the baby girl that we have been matched with.

On April 23rd, we are having a fundraiser at Vine of the Mountains,our church here in Waynesville, featuring BBQ along with music from The Maggie Valley Band and a silent auction. It’s going to be an amazing event! Please mark your calendars and PLEASE come! I promise that I will drive you crazy so that you will remember!

BLUEGRASS

April 23rd, at 5pm.  Please email or send us a facebook message if you have any questions. We can NOT wait to see you there!

This will likely be our only “physical” fundraiser. It’s so hard to put ourselves out there and ask for help, but we would literally do anything to help bring home the baby girl we are matched with! You can be a part of this story and quite frankly, we need you to be! Give, Share, Pray, come to this fundraiser!

DSC_0079

 If you can’t make it, you can still give!

Here are our ways to give. We much prefer paypal and youcaring because they are more direct and have low/no fees on our end.

If you want to make a tax-deductible donation, you can use our Lifesong MyStory site.

Our You Caring Fundraiser -for a quicker, easier donation
Or if you want to do it a little more directly, and you already have a paypal account, then sign into paypal and send a “gift” to btmilan@gmail.com (there are no fees for us with that).

A time crunch $17,000 in 25 days…

First off, we had a great weekend meeting the expectant mother and seeing the baby girl we are matched through an ultrasound. Here are a couple of pics, she is adorable!

We are exhausted but seeing her sweet face makes it SO much more real!

So, here’s the thing…we only have about 25 days left to raise about $17,000….WE NEED YOUR HELP. Please help us bring this baby girl home.

 

We are also having an “in person” Bluegrass and Barbecue fundraiser in the evening of April 23rd at Vine of the Mountains. There will be a nice dinner plate, a concert and a silent auction. Be on the look for details and go ahead and mark your calendars!

Here are our ways to give. We much prefer paypal and youcaring because they are more direct and have low/no fees on our end. But, if you need the tax credit, feel free to still give through our adopt together.

Our You Caring Fundraiser -for a quicker, easier donation

Or if you want to do it a little more directly, and you already have a paypal account, then sign into paypal and send a “gift” to btmilan@gmail.com (there are no fees for us with that).

If you want to make a tax-deductible donation, you can use our Lifesong MyStory site.

 

 

Where we are….31 days and $18,000

Tomorrow it has been a week since we were matched. A week since we found out about the baby girl we are matched with. A week since our life has gone into hyperspeed.

Here a few questions we have gotten,

  1. How for sure is this? Well, to answer that, it’s about as sure as an adoption situation can be. Our agency works really hard to protect both the prospective adoptive parents (us) and the expectant mothers. They try very hard to only work with women who are sure of their placements and have received/are receiving counseling. Of course, there is always risk, expectant mothers have every right change their minds and decide to parent, but our agency feels very strongly that this expectant mother will not.
  2. Are we protected? All of our personal money and the money we have fund-raised is protected by our agency. If this expectant mother were to change her mind, our money would be transferred to the next situation. This is a really big deal and part of why we went back with the same agency we used for Canaan.  Our agency is all around a “low risk” agency.
  3. Have we met the expectant mother? We have spoken to her on the phone. We are going to meet her,  take her to lunch and go to an ultrasound this Friday in Fl.
  4. What can we do? Give. Pray. Share. We have a HUGE hurdle to cross. We need $18,000 more by the end of April. 31 days to fundraise a huge amount. But, we are trusting that this is our situation, that God “has” this and that all will be provided for. We have applied for so many grants that we can’t see straight and we are still holding out hope. A lot of them won’t be dispersed, or even chosen until after our funds are due.

Lastly, we are NO longer doing the squares because quite frankly our need is much greater than that, plus it was confusing to some. At this point, please just make a direct donation to our adoption. We will still sing ya a song😉

We are also having an “in person” fundraiser in the evening of April 23rd at Vine of the Mountains. There will be a nice dinner plate, a concert and a silent auction. Be on the look for details and go ahead and mark your calendars!

Here are our ways to give. We much prefer paypal and youcaring because they are more direct and have low/no fees on our end. But, if you need the tax credit, feel free to still give through our adopt together.

Our You Caring Fundraiser -for a quicker, easier donation

Or if you want to do it a little more directly, and you already have a paypal account, then sign into paypal and send a “gift” to btmilan@gmail.com (there are no fees for us with that).

Our Adopt Together Page -for tax deductible donations